Thursday, April 17, 2014



I slept heavy last night, according to my husband. He knew better than to start chatting with me when he got home last night. I slept through the night and woke up feeling less tired but still anxious.

 We made it to the hospital in time and they called my name to come into the cat-scan room. I told them i had a central line and that made their job easier. I had to take off my eyeglasses and lay down on the bank with my head resting in a mold to keep it still. Of course, once the eyeglasses are off my hearing gets worse so I closed my eyes. It hurt just a bit when she put the needle in. I started to tear up because it hurt and also because I was laying there getting scanned again to see the status. My mind is racing and thinking every possible thing. The nurse noticed my tension and said open your eyes, it will be ok, and then she rubbed my hand. I closed my eyes again. The procedure was done in 10 minutes and other than the needle going in didn't hurt physically but more mentally. It all becomes real. The nurse gave me two bandages to use before I take chemo next time and can be used to numb the area so the needle won't hurt. That was a caring gesture.

I really haven't spent any time crying. It is when I least expect it and the emotions just come out. It is a good release to cry sometimes but I have just focused on kicking butt and not really allowed myself to wallow in any deep contemplative shit about poor me. I would like to but that is just not my style.

The results of the cat scan won't be known until next Tuesday at the next doctor's appointment. Waiting  will allow me to test my patience and improve it.......................hahahahaha   (ok, I'll try..)

Leaving the hospital, we drove to pick up my saved hard drive and then we were home before lunch. I ate a quick salad and felt a bit tired. I went to lay down for a little nap and woke up 4 hours later. HOLY MOLEY. I must have been tired.

Got some London house stuff online. And then it was time for dinner but no food at home meant Peter went food shopping first. A simple dinner happened at 7 pm. Good to eat and sit with the family. I missed so much during my nap.

After dinner, Stina came over to give some assistance and styling tips on the new house in London and which furniture we should bring over. We need to get rid of a lot of stuff because the new house is a lot smaller than we are used to. The challenge of living with less is exciting.

The kids have been watching a movie with Peter and I am tired again. A long day made shorter by taking a nap in the middle.



  1. Anonymous17/4/14

    Kärlek och styrka till underbara du!
    Stor kram

  2. Anonymous17/4/14

    Önskar dig och de dina en underbar påsk.
    Skickar massor av styrkekramar till dig

  3. Ibland är det med trötta dagar och det är bra att vila då. Din vilja och energi visar allt annan än att du tycker synd om dig och det är det dom är avgörande i ditt kämpande är jag övertygad om!!! Massa varma kramar och en gla påsk önskar jag :)

    1. Hej Harry, tack. Kram och Glad påsk till dig.

  4. Darling Daughter: You are such a combination of bravery and humanity. Thank you for sharing your courage and fears. I am so proud of you for having the courage to be truthful about what is happening and for showing that your positive attitude and the love and support of others helps to guide you through each day. I wish I could be there to help you. Know that you are loved and cherished.
    Miss you. Mom and Dad

  5. Anonymous18/4/14

    Godeftermiddag. Jag har sagt det tidigare. Du är kraft, du ger kraft. Igen och igen. Du är helt enkelt grym. Även när du visar dina svagheter! Glad Påsk!/ irre