Today is 9/11. It is 19 years since the world changed so fundamentally. It is a time for reflection. It is a time for thankfulness and for being grateful for the world around us.
But then I look up and around me on my dog walk this morning. Yes, it is a beautiful morning with the sun shining through the clouds with a faint orange-red glow and I think to the fires on the West Coast of America and all that are suffering. We can all agree that 2020 is a shit year and we still have almost 4 months left.
2001, we united, we cared for each other, we were nicer.
2020 has been pandemic, lockdown, senseless killings of blacks, protests against the systemic racism that exists today, Brexit and the culmination of 4 years of divisive politics are the things that my brain has been focused on. How have we become numb to over 200,000 people dying in the USA and almost 1 million in total from around the world? I am tired, we are all tired. We need these things resolved. Each person can make a difference, right?
Personally, 2020 has made me tired. More than before, everything just seems like it is a challenge to find the good. I have learned how much toilet paper a household of 5 uses during lockdown even though I didn't want to know. Every little thing is not as easy to wipe away or chalk up to someone else's stupidity. I am tired. My usual fix for this was to visit friends or go on vacation- that has not happened this year to the extent that it was needed.
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| Empty rolls. |
The house project was fun in the beginning but the environmentally friendly builders I thought I hired turned out to be double chargers, not respectful of time, misogynistic, poor planners and still to this day not finished. This is infuriating. It has been a source of stress to the actual unfinished work along with the fact that we live in the house and see these things every day. And yes, 6 months of lockdown has compounded the feeling.
I've liquidated my business as in times of pandemic, I did not see how washing and sterilizing the LEGO after kids played with it was a future I could envision. This was sad.
The house and my company are just two things. There are many other things that need to be resolved but we are in limbo as we try to live our lives in these pandemic times. And all of these things are having a knock on effect. I started listing all the things but the list got too long and sad. We are all being affected both mentally and physically in ways we never thought possible.
So many things are being missed out on by everyone. And the lack of solidarity of humans to get through this together is baffling and disheartening. In some ways we are becoming robots just to get through. This is counter-intuitive to human nature.
I miss my friends so much, I think my brain is trying to compensate. As I walk or ride around London, I keep seeing people that are doubles to people I know. For a moment I think, oh, is that Zulma? (or Charm, Michelle, Nikki, Marie, Mia, Stina, Avery, Marieke, Sanna, Annica or Carla and others I haven't seen in a while.). I am thankful for my brain to give me hope.....even though I know it's not them.
I am reviewing my routines and putting in the time for self-care, listening to music, time alone and meeting friends for coffees and dinners so I can experience the fun and pull myself through the tunnel. During September, I am riding 300 miles in a virtual London to Paris ride to raise money for Bloodcancer UK as I am 6 years in remission. Yes, that is something to celebrate!
I am an optimist. I am a problem-solver. I care about others. I am an ally. It will get better. I will do my part. I voted today. My new Converse were delivered.
We can't go back in time but we can remember the good times from before and strive to make new happy memories. I am thankful for family, friends, food, fun and the chance to make things better for me, my family, my friends and possibly the world.
Be Brave. Love Life.
