CHEMO #4

2014.04.23

Slept through the night! Yippee considering that today I start taking the steroids again. The down feeling from yesterday was still with me. We had hoped for 100% but only got 90%. That last 10% I want out too --it will just take a bit longer.  But as many of my friends pointed out to get 90% out means the medicine is working and the last 10% should be killed by the next three treatments.

Took my pills and then chatted on FB as I lay in bed. My chemo didn't start until 1 pm today so I had the morning to lounge about and get some stuff done.

I had made a call yesterday to our insurance company to inquire about the repayment of our cancelled trip due to my cancer. They were supposed to call back by 9 am. Well, they didn't so I called them and got to talk to the person in charge of our claim. I was so totally pissed off and frustrated because it has gone almost 2 months and they should have paid out. They were nonchalant and their mails had not reached me like she claims. Finally, me almost crying from frustration and their stupidity, she all of a sudden could make the payment today. This is not how it should be and I told her I hope they change their routine so no one has to experience what I did.

So the combination of the steroids, the bad feeling from yesterday and my "discussion" with the insurance company I was in a really bad mood. And that was not how I should be going into the chemo. Now I was frustrated that I was in a bad mood but couldn't get rid of it so easily.

I looked up in the Urban dictionary online (fun but not real, I realize it) the word shithead after I got off the phone with the girl from the insurance company. This is what I got:

shithead

A complete dumbass; a genuine moron. Someone who has committed an act in which causes harm or temporary discomfort to another.

 Then I started to laugh and have fun when I found this:

ass

(_!_) = Normal Ass

(__!__) = Big Ass

(!) = Tight Ass

(_?_) = Dumb Ass

(_E=MC2_) = Smart Ass

(_$_) = Rich Ass

(_x_) = Kiss My Ass

(_X_) = Get Off My Ass 

I have been up with my attitude for 62 days, so a bad mood was bound to happen. It should be gone by tomorrow.....

We arrived at the hospital with time to spare. In the waiting room I put my headphones in and put on the Kick ass play list to try and break the bad mood. I zoned out for 15 minutes and that helped a little bit.

A saving grace was my nurse Anna. She gave me a big hug after I gave her the cookies. That felt good to make her happy. She took off the bandage covering my central line and I closed my eyes because I do not want to see it. Then she started gently cleaning the area and was so caring. That moved my heart. When I finally opened my eyes she had cleaned the area and put in the needle. It hurt a little. I finally looked at it and it didn't look like I thought it would. It is operated in under my skin so you don't see it and the only thing I saw was the needle sticking out with the tubes attached. She noticed that I wasn't my perky usual self and asked if there was anything she could do. That meant a lot.

The treatment today was super quick compared to previous times. Hooked up and chemo started at 1:15 and I was done by 4:15. Only 3 hours. That is good. But it also means that the almost 2 liters of medicine that they pumped in to me makes me feel tired and like the liquids are up to my eyeballs.

We were home by 5 pm and Peter had time to make dinner for us before he left just after 6 pm to catch a plane to London so he can work a little bit in the office this week.

I went for a slow walk with Sophie and it almost felt like the liquid medicine was sloshing around inside of me. The fresh air was good after spending the afternoon in the hospital.

Today during treatment feeling nauseous for the first time and don't know if it's because of my bad mood or the chemo. I think I will take a pill for it so I don't have to feel worse than I already do.

Home now and feeling tired so I am going to try and sleep and get rid of this bad mood! One thing that is helping it go away is the constant contact from my friends and family checking in on me. Without that support, I would be lost. GRATEFUL.

LOVED. (_E=MC2_). GRATEFUL. FRIENDS. CHEMO #4. BIG ASS KICKING. FAMILY.