A Birthday with Cancer

2014.04.29

Restless night- awoken in the middle of the night by different pings on my phone- the birthday greetings were coming in early. I tried to fall asleep again and managed another few hours.

At 6 am, Sophie was getting a little restless. Get up, put on my jacket, put on her leash and we head out the door for the morning walk. I am half awake. As we near the end of the walk, Sophie spots a pigeon or dove that she decides to chase. Only problem was I was holding on to the flexi-leash when she starts running. I don't have time to think about letting go of the leash and I try to minimize the pain as I fall down to the ground. My knees and palms scraped and huge grass stains on my nice pajamas. Now I was awake. I hobbled home and starting getting the kids up and enjoying all the well wishes that were pinging my phone. LOVED.

The kids got off to school and I was already tired. I got ready for the morning event. A coffee and cake at Charlotte's house with a bunch of other English speaking moms. I was greeted at the door by Charlotte singing Happy Birthday. Awesome. She also makes a mean muffin. I need that recipe.  A really fun morning meeting the other moms. All of us are in different stages with our kids, how quickly we forget what it was like when they were little. Each period in our life is special.

Today I have reflected a little in my moments of peace and quiet between all the fantastic flower deliveries.

Thanks for all the flowers.

Is a Birthday day different than any other day? On Facebook, it is the day each year when you get  tons of greetings from tons of people. It makes you feel all warm and fuzzy inside. It is a day of reflection where one can look back and see "what have I accomplished this year? or what am I grateful for this year?" It is a day to spend time with the ones who you love and who love you back. The interaction between people -----that is life. It is meant to be CELEBRATED.

Having cancer puts your "real" life on hold and you fall into an alternative reality. How will it be once the cancer is gone? Will I get caught up in life again or will I have learned to smell the flowers along the way?

Bald on my birthday. That's OK. I do not mind the baldness at all. It sometimes feel more uncomfortable for others than for me. By others I mean those that do not know me. I am not shy to talk about the cancer, but many don't know how to respond. Cancer has always been synonymous with death or near death. That is scary for everyone. To be faced with one's own mortality is not something we look forward to ---ever. And why should we? Most of us live our life and get into the routine of doing all those things we think we MUST do.

Dinner with the kids felt empty without Peter here.

Princess tårta is my favorite Swedish cake for my birthday. Today was no exception. Mia and Stina came over after dinner and there were many laughs and some delicious cake enjoyed. I am amazed how quickly the kids come out of their rooms when there is cake involved......

I am grateful for today. I feel loved. I am tired. I turned another year older. It's OK. I appreciate my life and the people in my life. I am bald and...beautiful...(?) 

LOVED. CELEBRATE LIFE. KICK CANCER'S ASS. FRIENDS. FAMILY. BIRTHDAY