SNOW, SNOW GO AWAY

2014.03.19

Early to bed, early to rise. Yes, I was out walking the dog at 5:45 this morning. The air was crisp and fresh. Morning pills, get kids up, morning jabs with the drug to help me produce more white blood cells. Drive the kids to the station and school and then my dad and I head over to the lab so I can leave some blood to be analyzed.

We were home again by 8:30 and I decided a trip to our summer house would be in order. So we headed out and had a morning fika at my in-laws who live very close to our summer house. It was nice to see them again since it has been a long time since we have been out to the house.

Lunch at our summer house with the snow falling outside was quite magical.  It was like we were in our own world.

A snowy view from our window

We took the scenic route home via Rindö and Vaxholm so we could enjoy the view from the car ferries. Peaceful. Mom took pictures and video of most of the journey. The snow continues to fall and Spring has taken a vacation. 

Arriving home to find my youngest home already and the two others are close behind. Dinner preparations begin and some baking of banana bread is done to eat as dessert.  Finally the dinner is ready and we all sit down to eat. Each person had to tell a joke and that turned out to be quite hilarious. Laughing and eating are a great combination.................

Now it is time for a rummicube game and many people in this house are hoping they will win. I hope I can stay awake for the whole game. 

I am so blessed with all my friends.

My day has been brightened everyday when I have contact with my friends. I am so lucky to know the people that I do. GRATEFUL

LOVED. SNOW. FAMILY. GRATEFUL. KICK CANCER'S ASS. 

Cycle 1, Day 9

2014.03.18

Got up and walked the dog. Only the youngest had school today so we got him off to school without a hitch. The older two slept into the morning hours.

Since my parent's arrived yesterday it seems like all we do is eat. COMFORT.

We went food shopping, took a walk, ate, and then took a walk again and ate again. I even managed to have my two oldest kids parent/teacher conferences via speakerphone. The risk of infection is too great says the doctor to chance a meeting at school.

I was feeling strong so I play wrestled my two older ones to show them who was the strongest. I think I have pulled some muscles in my lower back. Smart move, yes I know. But it was fun to be the strongest, even though we were all laughing so much it wasn't really much of a match.

Dinner was fantastic tonight. Chicken cutlets, potatoes a la Michele, asparugus (yum, yum) and salad went down well with the water we drank.

No nap today means I am tired and now my back hurts a wee bit after all that wrestling. It will be an early night to rest up and hope that the blood tests tomorrow show that everyithing is on track.

Trying not to think about the fact my hard drive with all my photos on it dropped yesterday and data may be lost. Appointment on Friday with Apple will determine if all is lost or not.

9 days into the treatment and it seems like an eternity. Tomorrow is last day of the double shots for this cycle so that is something to look forward to. Glad to have my parents here. 

LOVED. FOOD. GRATEFUL. COMFORT. DAY 9.

HAPPY DAY

2014.03.17

Fell asleep early last night and slept more than six hours and then I fell asleep again until 6 a.m. A lot to do in that one hour from wake up to leave for the airport to pick up my parents. My morning jabs in the tummy, pills, getting kids ready and having a quick breakfast.

Left for the airport and had to drive kind of slowly on the curvy road. Luckily we did because the car in front of us didn't and he drove right off the road into the ditch. We asked him if he was OK and then continued on our way after calling for help.

What is going on here with the weather? We are all ready for Spring and then this little minor inconvenience occurs.

   

My parents arrived safely and Peter went in and got them from the terminal. It had been almost a year since we saw each other last. We were home by 9 a.m. and got to enjoy this day together. We have gone for a walk, cooked our favorite foods and had a lot of laughs. Jet lag is going to hit them soon so it will be an early night.

Peter is heading back to London tonight knowing I am in good hands this week.

I am feeling a bit tired and a slight headache today but not anything to complain about at all.

RELAXED. LOVED. FAMILY. APPLE PIE. FETTUCINE ALFREDO. 
KICK CANCER'S ASS.

C'mon now and hurry up....

2014.03.16

A sunny Sunday has gone by and it is one day closer to the finish line.

Slept pretty well, restlessness is still a part of me. I am a person to be on the move 150% of the time. This 0% is getting me down but forcing me to find a way to handle it.

Pills and needles to start the day and I feel well with more energy than yesterday. The swelling in my neck has gone down a lot which is also quite surreal. By 9:30 we have already gotten all the bedrooms in order for the visit of my parents tomorrow.

The rest of the day was looming large. There is only so many things to do at home that crave minimal energy input:

1. EATING (many small meals, cereal, the occassional scoop of ice cream from B&J, crackers with aged whisky cheddar cheese, tortillas, cranberry juice and so on.)
2. WATCHING TV (how many mediocre movies and programs can there be on tv?)
3. RECLINING ON THE COUCH (gently closing my eyes but still able to hear the premier league commentators in Swedish giving the play by play of some important game {according to Peter})
4. CHECKING IPHONE (messages, texts, FB chats, phone calls - all in a little slower tact)
5. WALKING ( a walk in the morning with my youngest son was envigorating)

Red Sea, Egypt 2010

Thailand 2010. 

I appreciate that I am feeling relatively good so far and realize it probably won't last so I am trying to focus on the positive things like all the places we have been in the world and which ones I want to visit again. Maybe I can make some photobooks of our travels.......

Barcelona........on my list to visit again.

My friends and family are checking in on me and giving me pep talks and that is giving me energy. GRATEFUL.

LOVED. LIFE. TRAVEL. MARATHON. RELAX. FRIENDS. KICK CANCER'S ASS.

SNOW.....and WIND STORM

2014.03.15

It was a stormy and windy night.........

Eyes open at 5:30. Too early to do too much. Feeling restless, tired and anxious. Tried to fall asleep again until 7 a.m. Time to get up and get my new morning shot out of the refrigerator to it can get warmed up to room temperature for it is injected into my stomach. This one will help me to produce white blood cells. Now it will be 2 shots in the stomach  on certain days. We read the instructions and Linda jabbed me with each of the needles. Thanks!!!

Outside the cars were covered with some snow on the windshields and the lawn had a dusting and the winds were still blowing strong. Not a day for a long walk at all. A storm is not what we ordered at all. We are ready for Spring. 

Both Peter and I tried to fall asleep again and just have a lazy Saturday. By 10 a.m. it was time to get going for the day. We made a trip back to the pharmacy to pick up new shots and a special holder to dispose of the used needles. I left my empty soda bottle which was filled with the used needles in at the pharmacy for disposal. Then it was some quick food shopping and home again for a rest.

I am feeling tired and a bit of a headache due possibly to the low pressure that is here. I took an paracetamol and fixed the headache.

We took a little ride to the storage unit to get out the mattresses so that my parents will have somewhere to sleep while they visit. Of course, the beds were all the way in the back of the unit and a load of boxes had to be moved. We had help from Calle and his trailer and that made the job a lot easier. Thanks Calle.

Beds fixed, rooms re-arranged and a little bit of cleaning then it was time for a new nap. Today I am feeling tired.

Dinner made by Peter and again I need a nap to digest all that food. I think that glass of wine before dinner is having an effect.

Maybe this is my tired period. Feels weird to go from so much energy to so little energy in such a short time. I realize that there will not be any respite until this battle is won. That pisses me off a little bit. I need a vacation. Gosh, here in Sweden even criminals sitting off a jail sentence get a vacation from prison. Why can't I get the same break?  Every minute, every second it is with me for the next few months.

I am restless and just want to get this over with. Lucky my friends and family are here with me because that is going to be the key to this, I hope.

TIRED. LOVED. TIRED. KICK CANCER'S ASS. RESTLESS. ROLLERCOASTER.

Fantastic Friday.....

2014.03.14

Happy Pi Day. 

Eyes wide open at 4:30 am. Darn, I was hoping it was 6 a.m. Listened to a meditation record from Kim   and then I fell back asleep. It worked. THANKS KIM.

Then the real alarm clock went off and time to start the day. The pills are a pain just because I am not really awake when I take them. I will need to get a better method. Then kids up, dressed, fed, teeth brushed......OK, truth be told they do most of this themselves except for getting out of bed......

Then my morning jab followed by a drive to the station so they can get to school. I still feel good except for the heartburn which flares up 15 minutes after I eat something. Relief is in sight though....

Farmor Eva got picked up by Kenneth soon after the kids went to school and then I hopped in the shower, dressed and ready to go not long after that. THANKS EVA.

I tried to be effective with my time. We are moving from this house in a couple of months and all of the utilities, Internet and other stuff needs to be terminated or transferred to the new owners. I thought I would get a head start on that. Very interesting how some company's have a skewed perspective of customer service. RULE>It should be easy for the customer, especially a loyal customer like me not the company............. they stole some of my energy.  ENERGY THIEVES

I was at the Pharmacy right when they opened and the heartburn medicine was taken with a glass of water before I had even paid. That guy knows me now. RELIEF.

How many numbers can you recite?

Back into the car and heading towards today's big energy gathering. A visit to the school I work at to see all the kids and staff. Today is Pi day which means they were having the afternoon session of school outside and doing some math exercises. So, out in the fresh air meant less of an infection risk for me and I got to see all the kids. I arrived in time for lunch and all the kids liked my new hair once they recognized me. Some of the kindergartners asked if I was going to get a blue wig when my hair fell out. I sat with them and chatted then I went and sat with the first graders and ate with them. They asked so many questions about the cancer. Their curiosity is fantastic. I explained things to them on their level and they wanted to know when I was coming back to build LEGO with them. So many from 2nd and 3rd grade came up to me too and gave hugs or commented on my hair style. ENERGY. They give me ENERGY.

Symmetry

Symmetry....

The outdoor math class in the school yard was great. They calculated the circumference of the inner football circle, measured around the base of some trees and practiced symmetry among other things. Their energy, curiosity and smiles made my day. God, I miss these kids.

After my three hour visit it was time to head home and pick up Sophie on the way. My kids came home and shared their day with me. LIFE is kind of NORMAL. Peter is on his way home from London and will be here for the weekend. Great, cause we can have time together and get ready for my parent's arrival on Monday. We gotta clean the house a little......(Peter will clean, I am the supervisor....)

Soon dinner to be eaten and relaxing on a Friday waiting for Peter to get home is just what the doctor ordered. (maybe a small glass of wine is in order...??)

ENERGY. FRIENDS. CURIOSITY. SMART KIDS. LOVED. KICK CANCER'S ASS. RELAXING.

SUNSHINE = ENERGY

2014.03.13

Awoke at 6 a.m. and had slept more than 6 hours in a row. Felt good. Peter is in London so I had to get up to get the kids up and ready for school. I had a bit of energy. I had time to chat with a few of my caring friends from around the world. All the kids were ready in time: dressed, teeth brushed, breakfast, clothes on, shoes on and all not necessarily in that order. I got my morning jab and then we hopped into the car and I drove them to the train station so they would get to school on time.

Thanks Col.

I got back and Farmor Eva had already left to take the bus home but she would be back tonight. I had energy and knew it was time to take a walk. Headphones in, Kick Ass Play list on, running shoes on and a brisk pace brought up my pulse a little. It felt good.

Of course, after every walk should always be a little nap or at least laying down on the bed for a few minutes.........

Then I called the doctor's office with a couple of questions. Heartburn will now be solved with a new medication. The blood thinning medicine will be refilled because I still have to take it for a while. I also asked about getting a central line put in so the veins in my arms don't get burned out from all the chemo. The answer back was treatment number 2 will also be done through the arm and then they will decide. The nurse responded back so quickly, she is on the ball.

By then it was 11 a.m. and time for a shower and some hair gel to get the hair to behave. I keep thinking about how it is all going to fall out soon and try to imagine how it will feel. Not sure if I am ready for that feeling yet.

Lunch was a carribbean soup and some flatbreads. A little spicy but......very good. Then I forced myself to watch a little more boring tv. There is really not so many good programs on tv at all, especially during the day. Good for me is that my friends check in on me during the day and this keeps me going and gives me ENERGY.

I always knew it but now it has been confirmed that I am friends with the most amazing people in the world. LUCKY ME.

Flowers arrived from Peter's former job here in Sweden. Beautiful. THANK YOU

The kids start dropping in one by one and shared what they had done today at school. Then Farmor Eva arrives too and will stay with us tonight. Dinner was a Västerbottens Cheese Pie with some salad and my favorite asparagus dish. (again) YUM YUM

Then it was time for an after dinner walk with Annica. We walked for an hour at a pretty good pace. Talking and Walking. We are good. Then a cup of tea to warm up, (I have to try and get into the English way of doing things with tea all the time...) THANKS ANNICA.

Looking forward to sleeping and getting to do some more fun stuff tomorrow..............

LOVED. FRIENDS. KICK CANCER'S ASS. ENERGY. SLEEP. EAT. ENJOY LIFE.

Lazy day

2014.03.12

I could have slept better but going back to bed until 10 am made up for it. I got up to do the morning routine of needle jab, taking the pills, chatting on FB, lite breakfast. Around 11 am it was time for lunch which was an egg omelet with bacon and some yummy cranberry juice.

Then it was time for a walk with the dog and Peter. Sophie is so good at catching the Frisbee when we throw it. The fresh air felt good and spring is definitely in the air.

This has been a lazy day and I got to sit in my new chair and watch some tv which doesn't happen so often these days. I watched some of my favorites which are "A House in the Country" and the Ellen show. It felt good but a little restless to not be doing anything like I am used to. Sometimes times goes by too slowly. RELAX

We ate a dinner of excellent leftovers and then I drove Peter to the airport so he can work in London for a few days. Peter's mom Eva is staying with us while he is gone. I didn't know how I was going to feel, so the extra help is really appreciated.

Driving home from the airport I had time to reflect a little as the music was blaring in the car. One of the most interesting and fascinating things in this whole ordeal is the human interaction and how everyone handles it in a different way. CANCER

The outpouring of love and support has come from many different people, some who surprised me and others who don't seem as engaged or maybe don't know what to say. It is what makes life so interesting, I think, this human interaction. Because isn't that what is important in life? How we relate to other people, how we value the time we spend with them, what we share with each other and the impact of all of these things on our life and on each other.

It makes us all better people when we appreciate all the good things in life even when a lot of things are just shit or are outside our control. But how many of us really do this everyday?

Arriving home from the airport it was then time to drive Kevin to and from his American Football practice. Now everyone is in bed and I am actually a bit tired.

Even though I have a lot of energy these days, I still need to pace myself because this is not a sprint but a marathon. This will be a challenge for me.

A good day today because the only side effect so far that I am noticing is a minor heartburn from eating food that my body now all of sudden thinks is too spicy. 

LOVED. GRATEFUL. KICK CANCER'S ASS. RELAX. 

Looking Good, Billy Ray! Feeling Good, Louis!

2014.03.11

The last line of this classic movie describes how I feel today.

If you haven't seen this movie I recommend it.  Click on this link to see the last scene:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UBYCZCGSVmQ

Trading Places is a 1983 film starring Dan Aykroyd and Eddie Murphy about a snobbish investor and a wily street con artist who find their positions reversed as part of a bet by two callous millionaires. 

Well, I fell asleep at about 9 p.m. and hoped that I would sleep the whole night. No luck. Midnight and I was wide awake and really thought that it was already 6 a.m. Alas, no. I was wide awake from midnight to 2 a.m. and then slept a bit again until almost 5:30 a.m. It was the steroid shot I got yesterday that could have an effect according to the nurse. 

Got up to say goodbye to the kids, get my jab, made a cheese omelet and then I got right back in bed and tried to listen to my audio book and dozed off until almost 11 am. I finally got out of bed, showered and felt full of energy. 

Lunch was leftovers of spaghetti and meat sauce prepared by Peter. I am so surprised that I am feeling so good. Still a lot of energy and it was time for a walk with Anna. It felt good to be out in the great weather and walk at a good pace with great conversation. THANKS ANNA.

Home again and Peter brings in the mail. Two great things arrived today. An envelope from the 2nd grade class at Campus Manilla and a paper to pick up a package from the post office. I eagerly open the envelope and inside are drawings and letters from all the students in the class. Absolutely amazing, these kids are amazing in how they write and wish me well. I cried through reading all of them. LOVED. MISSING THEM. 

We made a quick run to the post office to pick up the package and hurried home to open it. A package with girl scout cookies from Shari and her family in Charlotte. I will only eat one a day.....   THANKS SHARI. 

Then my husband surprised me with a challenge to a game of boule out on the boule field near our house. He opens the first two rounds with a score of 4-0. I said really are you going to play that way against a cancer patient? Then I showed him how good I was and made it 4-3. OK, the next one who scores wins. I let him win............. YOUR WELCOME, PETER

Still full of energy, I head over to Petra's house so I can help her to figure out how to comment on this blog. Thanks for the tea and homemade buns. YUM YUM. There are many of you that are having issues with leaving a comment. She uses iphone and ipad. What I did was erase the history in the browser and then go under Settings, safari, block cookies and then never. When you don't have a google account then you answer as anonymous, write your comment and then press publish and it should work. Good Luck.

Signs of Spring in our front garden. 

Dinner was some Texas longhorn bbq ribs. Yum Yum. Then I was lucky enough to face time with Marie while she was at work in North Carolina. ENERGY.  I really love this technology.

I am so happy to feel so good today. No nausea. Just energy. I will enjoy each day as it comes because days like today make life worth living. 

Just hoping that I can get some good sleep tonight.  Feeling good= no nausea. Looking good: with the hair-do that is always ready.


LOVED. ENERGY. KICK CANCER'S ASS. COOKIES. SUNSHINE. FRESH AIR. LONG WALKS. 

Teresa 1 Cancer 0

2014.03.10

FIRST CHEMO TREATMENT is DONE.

Awake at 5:45 today. I slept well and Peter confirmed that because I was snoring all night. Poor him......

Some morning chats on FB, my daily jab, my new list of pills to take, shower, battle uniform on, breakfast eaten and sandwiches made so we have food to eat during the day.

Feeling the love all day via FB and chats. AMAZING.

Of course leaving our house at 8:15 means it takes a little longer to get KS because everyone else is also on the road. We made it in time though and waited in the waiting room for them to call my name.

A few minutes after 9 a.m. my name is called by my nurse for the day: Anna. She did a great job explaining everything that was going to happen and was very methodical but also very caring and even asked me if I wanted her to talk English or Swedish. I said she could talk Swedish but I might answer sometimes in English if that was OK.

The treatment starts with 2 painkillers and a antihistamine and then a 20 minute wait before the first drugs can be started via drip. The first one is the antibodies and the R in R-CHOP treatment. It would take 5 hours for that one to get into my body. Due to the chance of allergic reaction it is a very slow drip. Halfway through Anna asked how I felt and I said my throat was a little itchy. She turned it off immediately and waited a half hour and then gave me a cortisone shot before we could continue. Better to take it slow the first time.

This is me KICKING ASS.......

Peter was with me today and that was good to have his support. Charlotte and Bea were in for a long visit today and helped to pass the time. Charlotte brought with her some fika that I could eat and it tasted delicious. It was fun to talk about all the things in London we can do as we got first hand tips from Charlotte, a true Londoner. THANKS CHARLOTTE for being there today. It was great. LOVED.

After the R part of R-CHOP comes the chop part. Each of the drugs are given one at a time. It took another 2 and a half hours to get these into me. It was calm in the room. Almost an anticlimax to think that these drugs, liquids and pills are going to save my life. Our bodies are amazing and the people who have done research to make all this work are also amazing. GRATEFUL

My bags of drugs!

Fun to get some red juice......

During the day my phone "pinged" every few minutes and the outpouring of love and support made it feel like everyone was in the room with me. It was crowded today in that room. GRATEFUL and LOVED.

I was finished at 4:30 pm and it was time to head home in the Stockholm traffic. Slowly, but surely we made our way home to the kids and Farmor Eva who had made Swedish pancakes for dinner for the kids. THANKS EVA.

After dinner I had some energy and went out for a 10 minute walk with Linda, my neighbor nurse to update her and so we could get some fresh air. I have energy. I got my circulation going also after being in the bed all day. It felt good. EXERCISE

Now I am a little tired but still feel good as today's battle resulted in a win for me and loss for CANCER as I have started the treatment. Yippieeeeeeeeeeee................

LOVED. KICK CANCER'S ASS. DRUGS. PAINKILLERS. GRATEFUL. EXERCISE.

Preparing for Battle

2014.03.09

Last night was great at Petra and Martin's house. Great food, great company and many, many laughs. I really, really don't like pictures being taken of me, so for me to take a selfie now is a big deal. I enclosed a silly one of Petra and I a bit further down to remember that life is short and we need to enjoy it while we are alive.

Petra and I 

 It was hard to fall asleep when we got home. The tumor has grown and when I move my arm up or down it pushes against my trachea and causes quite a bit of discomfort. I finally fell asleep. Rest. My eyes opened at 5 am. I look at the clock and will myself back to sleep - no luck. I see that my sister-in-law is still awake, so a quick message and we decide to skype. Awesome to talk to Nicole.

Preparing for battle entails gathering the right weapons and having a strategy on how to defeat the enemy. (damn CANCER) The information received from the Hematology department at KS describes a bit of the possible side effects and what items can help with alleviating them. A trip to the pharmacy was made to buy special toothpaste, special mouthwash, stuff to make sure I am producing enough saliva and some lotion to rub on my head once all of the hair has gone down the drain. All of those items are now sitting on my war office desk right next to all the medications that will need to be taken each day.

CHECKLIST for BATTLE:

• Chemotherapy R-CHOP-14 at the hospital on Monday, March 10, 2014
• Drugs to protect my kidneys
• Drugs to stimulate production of healthy white blood cells
• Drugs to help against nausea
• Drugs to protect against lung inflammation
• Essentials to protect against mouth sores and dry mouth (stop infections getting in)
• Cortisone to help against swelling from the chemo drugs R-CHOP
• My Kicking Cancer's Ass book with questions to the doctors/nurses
• Support from family and friends
• Haircut with attitude

OK, I am ready for battle. (and it is not even lunch time yet.)

Eva and Kenneth came over with some beautiful flowers and then they took Sophie with them home so she didn't have to be alone tomorrow while we are at the hospital. THANKS Eva and Kenneth.

At 1 pm it was finally time for a nap after being awake since 5 am. I set the alarm for an hour. Just one minute before the alarm goes off my phone rings and its Mia. Yes, I would love to go for a walk in this lovely weather. THANKS MIA.

Right after Mia leaves there is a knock on the door. It is Alice from the neighborhood association of which her and I both sit on the Board. Alice comes with beautiful flowers and words of inspiration over a cup of tea. THANKS ALICE.

Dinner was my favorite of fillet Mignon in a red tomato sauce with leeks served over pasta together with a side of baby asparagus sauteed in oil and Italian bread crumbs. DELICIOUS

Now final preparations are made. I am amazed at how ready I am for the chemo to start and what a journey I have made mentally in just 18 days to get here. UNBELIEVABLE.

TIME FOR SOME KICKING CANCER'S ASS tomorrow with the first round of CHEMO.

LOVED. BATTLE. SUPPORT. FRIENDS. CHEMO. FAMILY. KICK ASS. BRAVE. 

Walking on Sunshine

2014.03.08

HAPPY INTERNATIONAL WOMEN'S DAY.

Open my tired eyes at 7 am today, the dog sat up from her bed on the floor next to ours and was hopeful. I just looked at her and she laid down again. I need to keep to the routine of checking who else is awake on FB. I was not disappointed. Nikki and Carla woke my fingers up and all their "pinging" responses woke Peter up. (Then he could go out with the dog, my master plan, and it worked.)

Quickest shower ever and getting ready so I could get my daily jab from Linda. THANKS LINDA. Then a breakfast of toast, juice and a banana. The sun is shining and the wind is blowing. I needed to get bundled up for my walk with Dale.

I arrived at Dale's house near Rönningesjö at 10 am. The sun is shining even brighter and not a cloud in sight. We set out on a 7 kilometer walk around the lake. Luckily for both of us, about halfway through we come to Rönningeby. Many friends have talked about it on FB but I had never been before.  We were overjoyed that the cafe was open and was serving their famous waffles. What a treat to enjoy them without sharing with our kids. We were feeling luxurious and ordered the ones with cloudberry jam. DELICIOUS

The waffles gave us the energy we needed to complete our stroll around the lake. The shining sun and brisk winds kept us moving at a good pace. The sights along the way from a beaver's handiwork to a fresh water spring to drink from just added to the sense of peace and near normalcy. I take each day as it comes and enjoy the moment- especially when the sun which has been hiding behind the clouds for so long has finally shown itself. GLORIOUS

Busy Beavers

More than 3 hours after we started our walk I leave Dale's house and head home. THANKS DALE.

Felt excellent to take a little nap and fall asleep listening to my KICK ASS play list. A few hours of rest during the day keeps me going. I realize that I need to build up all the energy I can because Monday's chemo will drain me if I let it.

After my nap it is time for a snack. Peter cooked us up a piece of fillet Mignon and a little salad. Boy, am I lucky or what?

Tonight there will be tons of laughing when we are at Petra and Martin's house for dinner. Always a good time and good food with good friends. I can't wait. LOVED with LAUGHS

STILL READY FOR CHEMO ON MONDAY.  I will start my short career as a druggie. Alas, these drugs will fullfil the purpose of evicting those cancer cells that chose the wrong place to hang out. FUCK CANCER.

SUNSHINE. LOVED. LAUGHS. FRIENDS. EXERCISE.

DLBCL

2014.03.07

Slept really poorly last night. It was the combination of the bandage on my neck making it a little tight as the incision healed and the mental tiredness which left me wide awake during most of the night.

Finally at 6 am I could have my morning chat on FB as I got ready to shower the whole body at once in preparation for removing the bandage. It has been on for a week and it was time to see what it looked like underneath. The shower was the quickest ever because it was easy to wash the new hair doo.

Now that the bandage was good and wet it was time for removal. Mostly painless removal. It looks pretty good even though the surgeon said he was only 2nd best at sewing stitches. I am happy with his handiwork.

Drive Eric to school and time for a breakfast of toast and juice before the fresh air is calling my name. Sophie and I joined Caroline och Monica for a dog walk with their dogs. Fresh air and great conversation while the dogs got a good workout. THANKS GIRLS for today.

Home again it was time to figure out to get the flu shots. Last nights adventure to Lowenströmska City Akuten resulted in nothing. They said they didn't have any flu shots left. So instead it was a stop for the boys at McDonalds for some ice cream as promised. I was really upset that we wasted all our time. I also realized that my level of tolerance for things to go wrong is very low. That was part of the reason I couldn't sleep last night. Many things are outside of my control but it is still frustrating.

I called the Hematology doctors office to see what time he would call today to give me more information regarding the test results. Now it was time for Plan B with the flu shots. Peter and I to SveaVaccin near Täby Centrum. I explain the situation and they don't have any either. BRICK WALL

FRUSTRATION sets in because now we are forced to go with PLAN C up check with Täby Centrum Doctors again. Waited in line to see the nurse to discuss the issue but I am pleasantly surprised when I tell them why I need it (and she sees my frustration) and she says OK,  Wait right outside here and someone will be with you shortly. DISBELIEF. Within 3 minutes a male nurse comes and we go into the room to get the shots.

Of course I go first because Peter is such a gentleman. Just as the nurse gets ready to jab me in the arm my phone rings. NO CALLER ID and I know I need to answer it because it is the Hematology doctor. I ask him a few questions and get more information - most certainly not optimal time or place but par for the course. The current diagnosis subtype of Lymphoma which I have so far is DLBCL which stands for Diffuse Large B-Cell Lymphoma. OK. The results from the breast examinations were negative. GOOD. Do the kids really need to take the flu shot? NO. RELIEF.  I will get more information next week. CHEMO is a go for MONDAY. YIPPIEE>>>>>>>>>>

All this happens in this nurse's office as Peter gets his flu shot. Hang up the phone and it is my turn to get a jab. Not a problem.

Relief that Peter and I have gotten our flu shots. Relief that the boys don't have to. One more thing to check off the list. Next on the list was the rabies shot for Sophie at the Vets so she could move with us to London this summer. But, it is a 6 month wait after the shot and I have waited longer than I wanted. So we move in August and Sophie will have to come in September. Bummer.

After the vet visit, I had just enough time for a nap. FELT GREAT. Awoken by a knock on the door by the florist. It was a most beautiful bouquet of tulips from the 2nd grade class where I teach LEGO Education. Fantastic teacher, Ulrica and the amazing kids in this class have made my day and weekend. TEARS of JOY.

We round out the days with a spontaneous visit to my favorite Indian Restaurant called GURU on Odengatan. I was greeted warmly by the owner with a great big hug. This has been our night out in town for the past 4 years and it never disappoints. Peter and I were joined by Annica and Mia in this food extravaganza. Many laughs, many laughs and stories of all the good times made it all that more enjoyable. GRATEFUL.

A day spent enjoying life through all its small hassles but still able to appreciate the good weather, good friends and family and good food that make this life what it is. TRULY GRATEFUL.

I am so ready for chemo on MONDAY. I am so ready for chemo on MONDAY. I am so ready for chemo on MONDAY.

Thank you all who keep my spirits up by texting, calling or leaving a comment here. It is the energy for my fight to kick cancer's ass.  

Chasing the Sun

2014.03.06

Eyes open at 6 am. Roll over, look at my iphone and then my friends in the world send me good morning messages! Awe-inspiring with this technology to keep in touch. This connection between people is unbelievable and really what life is about. Lucky I am not living in the era of carrier pigeons. 

A sunny day and I feel full of energy. This new hair do is fantastic because I haven't done anything with it in three days and it still looks awesome. (even though I do not really recognize the person in the mirror each morning.) Peter gets the kids off to school and I get ready and feel like a walk in this beautiful weather. 

Time to put on my Kick Ass Play list, put the headphones in my ears and get the feet moving and the lungs breathing in all that fresh air. It was refreshing and gave me energy. Along the way I met people I knew and I could talk a bit before continuing on my way listening to all of my good songs. Many friends have sent suggestions and they have been spot on with what I needed to hear. Each day means different favorites or ones that have a special meaning based on where my head is at...........

Chasing the Sun by Sara Bareilles

You said, remember that life is

Not meant to be wasted 

We can always be chasing the sun!

So fill up your lungs and just run

But always be chasing the sun!

All we can do is try

And live like we're still alive

Lunch was spent at Charlotte's house. Great lunch, even better company and then a walk around Stocksund and Tranholmen in this great weather was so good I forgot to take any pictures of this glorious sunny day. Thanks Charlotte. GRATEFUL

I can get used to this routine of lunch with a good friend and then a nap when I get home. I hope I will handle the chemo well. I will get through it.

I have made a plan with each of the days of the 2 week cycle to show which pills & shots I need each day and also when my immune system will be at its lowest. A weak immune system means I can't expose myself to germs during those days as my body recovers between each cycle. 

The doctor suggested yesterday that our family get the flu shot. So after dinner we head to City Akuten to get vaccinated for the flu. What a fun family thing to do..............

These walks and spending time with friends and family is the best way for me to recharge my batteries, but the waiting is killing me.......... 

It is 2 weeks since I got the news about this life-changer called aggressive non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. Only 14 days ago but it feels like 2000 days with all the thoughts that have gone through my head. Every second it is with me. The emotions and thoughts swing back and forth between both ends of the scale. It is mentally tiring and it still feels a bit unreal as I go through many of the motions.

But, I am going to define how this cancer is a part of me and how I get rid of it. I am in control. I am really good at kicking ass and I never take no for an answer. 

KICK ASS. CONTROL. NEVER GIVE UP. BRING IT ON.