Checking things off my list

2014.04.08

Woke up before the alarm and went out with the dog. It is her birthday today. She turned 5. She is the best dog in the world. She actually smelled the cancer in me a few weeks before I found out. She had changed her behaviour towards me and I even joked to my husband that something was up because she was so different towards me. Amazing what a keen sense of smell dogs have! Apparently cancer gives off a smell that the dogs can detect. Anyway, Sophie is the best dog ever and fits right in our family.

One of the things I do best is make lists and execute them. Today I checked many things off my mental list and it felt satisfying.

• talked with UK banks about mortgage deals. check
• talked with estate agent about finalizing house purchase check
• talked with solicitor to agree to house contract details check
• emailed the different builders with spec. list check
• talked with relocation firm to agree on moving/packing date check
• made chocolate chip cookies for the chemo nurses for tomorrow check
• helped Marcus make LEGO sugar cookies for school bake sale check
• did some laundry check

Peter is on his way home. I have spent the day busy doing essential things but maybe not all the stuff I should have done. But I can only do so much each day. I need to use my energy wisely. This means that the closer we get to the move, the more I throw out or give away. I want to travel light when we move.

Now it is time to prepare for tomorrow. Surgery to put in the central line and then check

Just need to decide what t-shirt to wear.......

My day was punctuated with many calls, texts and messages from my friends and family saying that they are thinking of me. THANKS It gives me ENERGY. My kids giving hugs and rubbing my Buddha bald head also give me ENERGY.

LOVED. FRIENDS. ENERGY. LIST. CHECK. COOKIES. KICKING CANCER'S ASS. 

LEGO Sorting Sunday

2014.03.02

Woke up feeling fresh even though I could have had a few more hours of sleep. So much to do before "nothing is ever the same again" begins......

My nurse came over and administered the shot. I get a bit of a blue mark from the shot because it is blood thinning medicine and it takes a bit longer for the area to heal.  I have a little round mark after each jab. I came up with the idea of getting the jabs so that by the end of the week it will be smiley face and my nurse was more than happy to oblige. I hope it works. It is a first practice for that tattoo......

The last day at the school where I am the Lego Education teacher was the same day I got this cancer news. I had left school after my lessons with the 3rd graders and just left everything the children had built still sitting on the desks to go to the doctors for the results. This has weighed heavily on me. It was a job undone. It is also heartbreaking for me to not be able to go back to the school when the children are there because of the risk of infection. I carry that sorrow but know that I must concentrate on myself while I am kicking cancer's ass.

Today's mission was to go back to the school and with the help of two wonderful colleagues Ulrica and Jessica, sort up the LEGO so that it can be used the rest of the term. It was peaceful to sit in the room and sort the LEGO pieces back into their correct places. Sorting is something I am good at and it gave me comfort doing it today. It helped that the time was spent chatting with the girls. Maybe I can do a video lesson if I feel well enough...... Thanks girls for sharing this time with me. Now I can focus on getting my health back.

The classroom is back in order.

Back home it was a quick nap before dinner and before I needed to drive Peter to the airport. Happily for me, there was a knock at the door and it was Stina och Gunilla to check in on me. Stina then presented each of us in the family with a FUCK CANCER bracelet and their family also got them. SOLIDARITY Very cool. <3 THANKS Stina. It is easier to keep the focus with a constant reminder in plain sight.

Dinner was a bit subdued as the week of sitting in front of the computers by the boys ends and school work starts tomorrow. My oldest son kept us company on the ride to the airport. A goodbye to Peter and see you on Tuesday.......It will be good for him to be at work while things are calm on the home front. This is only the beginning of the battle. As we drove home from the airport I asked my son, who attends an English speaking school, what are you going to say if someone sees your bracelet? His response "Just read it".  Perfect answer. Nothing more needs to be said.

This calm before the storm is good to gather up my energy and allow it to be unleashed in this battle against CANCER. Three days and counting.............

Today's Quote: LOVE cures people- both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it.

I just looked at my Smiley in progress and now he has a huge black & blue eye.......

A week of limbo

Thursday February 20, 2014

Well, I never thought I would write a blog because I am so much better talking than writing. But never is a crazy word and there are many nevers.

I never thought I would find a weird growth on my neck.

I never thought I would admit to a doctor that I don't usually look at myself in the mirror too much and that is why I didn't see it right away.

I never thought that I would hear the doctor say "Aggressive form of Non-hodgkins lymphoma" and that it is serious but curable with a good fight.

It all started last Saturday an hour before we were to sign the house contracts. I got out of the shower and looked in the mirror and thought that even with out my glasses that my necklace hanged a bit weird around my neck. Peter checked and agreed that all was not as it should be.

First we had to be at the realtor's office to sign the contracts and then I had a Lego party that had been booked. After that at 4 pm I went to the emergency room at Danderyds Sjukhus. By midnight not much  had happened besides noting that it was not supposed to be there and some blood work didn't show any real strange results. This left me frustrated and worried.

Most of Sunday I googled "swollen glands on right side of neck" Googling is dangerous but helpful if you take it with a grain of salt.

Decisions are better made with all the facts. That is really how I do most things. Gather all the facts and then put it together with your gut feeling for the right decision.

So Sunday night I decided to take my health into my own hands and did not want to wait for the less than optimal Taby local doctors to get around to booking me a time to see a doctor who in past experience was less than fully engaged in any ailments I had.

Anyway I found a drop-in place called City Akuten that allows you to get seen by an Ear, nose throat specialist. It was an all day event but they did everything they could there and showed an interest. Doctor examined my neck, sent me to a sonogram to get a better picture of the extent, doctor saw me again and then said that a CAT scan was needed of my neck and upper torso, results were back and then I got another referral for a needle biopsy the following day at the big hospital. I left the doctors after 8 hours without a clear picture of what was really wrong with me. It did not seem like a big deal according to that doctor.

The next day at the needle biopsy I asked a lot of questions and started to google even more when I saw that the first doctor believed it was lymphoma. Holy crap! He said that the results would be sent by Thursday.  It has been 48 hours of worry, googling and trying to work and be a mom to the kids.

Today is Thursday and this morning I decided that I needed to know and that right after working at school I would go to the drop-in and get the results. Somehow I knew that I needed someone with me. Peter is in London. I called my fantastic friend Mia and explain - a growth in my neck, results from the doctor - and the next thing she says is I can come with you!

The last thing I expected was bad news, but that is what it is. Mia got to cry and I was the comic relief and I also experienced the disbelief that is this really happening to me? Are you kidding me?  WTF? I have other things to do right now and I have planned many more fun times in my life.

So, I WILL FIGHT this and WIN.   I am a fighter with tons of friends that give me comfort by being there as I beat this cancer's ass!

(Oh yeah, once all the treatment is done, I am getting a tattoo!)