A week of limbo

Thursday February 20, 2014

Well, I never thought I would write a blog because I am so much better talking than writing. But never is a crazy word and there are many nevers.

I never thought I would find a weird growth on my neck.

I never thought I would admit to a doctor that I don't usually look at myself in the mirror too much and that is why I didn't see it right away.

I never thought that I would hear the doctor say "Aggressive form of Non-hodgkins lymphoma" and that it is serious but curable with a good fight.

It all started last Saturday an hour before we were to sign the house contracts. I got out of the shower and looked in the mirror and thought that even with out my glasses that my necklace hanged a bit weird around my neck. Peter checked and agreed that all was not as it should be.

First we had to be at the realtor's office to sign the contracts and then I had a Lego party that had been booked. After that at 4 pm I went to the emergency room at Danderyds Sjukhus. By midnight not much  had happened besides noting that it was not supposed to be there and some blood work didn't show any real strange results. This left me frustrated and worried.

Most of Sunday I googled "swollen glands on right side of neck" Googling is dangerous but helpful if you take it with a grain of salt.

Decisions are better made with all the facts. That is really how I do most things. Gather all the facts and then put it together with your gut feeling for the right decision.

So Sunday night I decided to take my health into my own hands and did not want to wait for the less than optimal Taby local doctors to get around to booking me a time to see a doctor who in past experience was less than fully engaged in any ailments I had.

Anyway I found a drop-in place called City Akuten that allows you to get seen by an Ear, nose throat specialist. It was an all day event but they did everything they could there and showed an interest. Doctor examined my neck, sent me to a sonogram to get a better picture of the extent, doctor saw me again and then said that a CAT scan was needed of my neck and upper torso, results were back and then I got another referral for a needle biopsy the following day at the big hospital. I left the doctors after 8 hours without a clear picture of what was really wrong with me. It did not seem like a big deal according to that doctor.

The next day at the needle biopsy I asked a lot of questions and started to google even more when I saw that the first doctor believed it was lymphoma. Holy crap! He said that the results would be sent by Thursday.  It has been 48 hours of worry, googling and trying to work and be a mom to the kids.

Today is Thursday and this morning I decided that I needed to know and that right after working at school I would go to the drop-in and get the results. Somehow I knew that I needed someone with me. Peter is in London. I called my fantastic friend Mia and explain - a growth in my neck, results from the doctor - and the next thing she says is I can come with you!

The last thing I expected was bad news, but that is what it is. Mia got to cry and I was the comic relief and I also experienced the disbelief that is this really happening to me? Are you kidding me?  WTF? I have other things to do right now and I have planned many more fun times in my life.

So, I WILL FIGHT this and WIN.   I am a fighter with tons of friends that give me comfort by being there as I beat this cancer's ass!

(Oh yeah, once all the treatment is done, I am getting a tattoo!)