Still in REMISSION

2015.01.30

Yes, my updates have been worse than sporadic. I agree. Just when I thought I could sit down and unload all that has been accumulating in my brain.......my mac dies. I have ordered another one but the delivery is not until next week. So, this post is via my son's borrowed mac. (although I didn't get his password)

Stockholm is so peaceful in the winter.

January is coming to a close and I have done tons of stuff and at the same time not many of those things that I should have done.  Always room for improvement.

I have been more aware and tried to really live in the moment. I do see an improvement from last year. (still have some side effects that are a drag but learning to live with them.)

Time with friends and family is like taking a medicine to make me feel better. That is really the best medicine for me. Suffice to say that I have been taking a lot of "medicine" this month.

Last week it was time for my 6 month check-up with the requisite blood work beforehand. This was followed the next day with the operation to remove the implantable port. I have been preoccupied with other things and not so focused as I was last time so my anxiety and stress level was much lower. I was almost calm. I have kicked cancer's butt before - worst case I could do it again........

I arrived in Sweden a few days before my appointment so I could go to Charlotte's 40th birthday party. The day of the party I got up late and lounged around the house (in my pj's) all day until it was time to leave for the party. It has been a while since I've done that. It felt GREAT.

Such a fun party. A great time dancing, eating and spending time with good friends. I am so lucky to have so many people that were supporting me and so happy that it was now a happy occasion for us to get to together. GRATEFUL.

I met up with some of my other friends and spent quality time just living in the here and now. THANKS SARA, STINA, and MIA.

It is a dilemma of how to visit everyone that I miss. It will be hard. I need a solution.

Monday morning and I needed to head to the hospital early to leave blood. On my way there, I call Anna and find out that her daughter had just been diagnosed with diabetes two days earlier and was at the same hospital I was going to. So we meet up quickly and I give hugs and words of encouragement. They have a great children's diabetes center at that hospital.

Then it was time for my appointment with Dr. Claes. Everything looked great. It was a relief. I thanked him profusely for all that he had done. It felt good but also a little surreal. This is the calmest I have ever been. Now it was time to celebrate.

Yippie!

On my way to Sara's house I picked up a Princess Cake which is my favorite type of Swedish cake. I got to spend time with Sara and her family and meet her newborn son who is the cutest.

 

The next day was the day I was most anxious about. Removing the implantable port with just local anesthesia. What better way to spend the time until the afternoon appointment than to visit SOUL and get my massive amount of curly hair cut and then to have lunch with Mia.

Chemo curls have made my hair extremely curly. Hair product has been necessary since October to keep it in place. I reached the decision to cut it and let it grow back when my oldest son called me Einstein about two weeks ago. You all know which picture I am talking about:

Before the haircut: Einstein

Before the haircut: me

Me after the haircut.

It was great to see Ulrica and Sophie again. It is such a warm and loving feeling at SOUL. THANKS ULRICA for squeezing me in on such short notice. GRATEFUL.

Lunch with Mia after was Indian food and then a walk for me in the cold weather of Stockholm to finally get this thing out of me.

So many emotions as I sat in the waiting room. It is overwhelming. Anxious. Determined to keep the implantable port once it is out of me. Shock at a "no" answer to keeping it. Crying. Disbelief. All alone. Determination. Inevitable removal. Headphones in with "Brave" by Sara Bareilles on repeat. EYES CLOSED. Three needles. Time to begin says the doctor. Focused. Sad. Tears streaming out of my eyes non-stop. Too much emotion. Nurse rubbing my arm. Time passing by too slowly. Weird sensations of pressure but no pain except for the emotional release of all that has happened. OK, just sewing up the vein now before he sews up the rest, says the nurse. "crap, my vein was opened?" goes through my head but not out my mouth. Surreal. Finally finished. Said my peace about why it was important for me to have it. NOPE, there are laws to be followed. OK. Good to go. Time to drive to Mia's house. I survived. GRATEFUL.

This is an implantable port. That tube was in my artery.

About the size of a silver dollar and
as high as a piece of LEGO.
In the center is where the needle for the chemo went.

I thankfully spent the night at Mia's house and as usual enjoyed a great dinner and fantastic company. HAPPY. THANKS MIA.

The next morning it was a quick visit to my mother in law before I headed to the airport. That was fun to pull and hold my luggage with just my right side so I wouldn't rip the stitches. 

Sad to leave Sweden but oh so happy to get back to London. The new life that is starting to take shape here is so exciting. The possibilities are endless.

I am eating well, exercising, trying to figure out why I am not losing weight, still motivated and just got the latest activity tracker that is perfect for me. It is called the Fitbit ChargeHR and I love it. It has a heart rate monitor, counts my steps, lets me track my sleep patterns, food intake and exercise and it looks good on my arm too. So psyched to challenge myself. (and any others that are up for a challenge)

Number of steps I have taken today...

GRATEFUL for the fabulous friends I have made here. They are amazing. Overwhelmed with gratitude. 

KICKED CANCER'S ASS. REMISSION. 

GRATEFUL. FRIENDS. 

BRAVE. STITCHES. 

NEW ME. NEW LIFE.

Six month check-up.....focused

2015.01.15

Thursday

Well, I am doing great on all my New Year's Resolutions except one. (that would be the one where I update the blog at least every second or third day.................)

I am not perfect, so suffice to say that this one will be a reflection on the first two weeks of this year 2015. A new start.

I am trying and have truly succeeded in doing something,  learning something or visiting somewhere new each day. Every day so far has brought revelation and appreciation for that day's activity. (not always remembering

I love living in London. I appreciate all my new friends. I love having visitors and showing them around. I saw another famous person at the local cafe and even talked to him. I am busting my butt at the gym, eating well and loving life most every hour of every day.

A fun time was had by all.

I will not write about the things that I should have done. I am slowly but surely getting those things off my list.

OK, so we need to take down the Christmas tree. I need to organize a little more. I need to put my clothes into the closet after they have been folded. All very meaningless tasks in the big scheme of things. Hakuna Matata.

Love the creative parking.

My in-laws were here for a weekend just less than four days after my parents left. We celebrated Reinhold's 70th birthday in style: Lion King, dinner the next night and walks around town. Honored that he wanted to celebrate it with us. 

Tomorrow I head to Sweden because I have my 6-month check up on Monday and removal of my central line on Tuesday right after I get my haircut at SOUL. (curls be gone.....)

My anxiety level is not as bad as it was last time. I am just living my life the best I can and will deal with whatever the doctor says on Monday.

I am flying first class. (OK, not really, it will just feel like that because I will be flying without the rest  of the family....) Just going to chill. Not bringing my computer. Face to face conversations with friends will be like winning the lottery.

I did win the lottery. I kicked cancer's butt. I have family and friends who tolerate love me. 

BE BRAVE. LOVE LIFE. (thinking about getting my tattoo in February.....)

NEW YEAR, same me, old friends, new experiences

2015.01.02, Friday

The New Year has started off with a bang.

We went to sleep after 1 am on New Year's Eve. I thought I could sleep late but of course I had planned some events for New Year's Day.

Yes, we were going to see the London New Year's Day Parade in town. Needless to say we were not the only ones with the same idea. After about an hour we had found a great spot on Regent Street to watch all the marching bands from America march by along with all the other cool oddities that marched by us. It was fun to see and the kids had a good time - they only admitted this after we were on our way home. It was quite cold but we braved the cold (by London standards) and got to enjoy a few hours of some great marching bands.

It brought back memories from my high school days and marching in New York City on St. Patrick's Day. I played the french horn. I think I marched maybe two years in a row. Great fun! Awesome that so many band from USA would travel to London to march.

We walked to a different train station to head home. I really do enjoy taking London public transportation. (I am thinking of starting a club at school for the moms and we explore London by taking the tube to different places......we have to have something to do when the kids are in school)

We arrived home and started to prepare for our dinner guest that evening.

Serendipity, chances, life's choices......

Patti and Bruce met here in London about 28 years ago when Patti and I were on the same Contiki tour with Bruce (he is from Australia). Patti and I were the only Americans on the 6-week tour by bus through more than 12 European Countries. There were about 12 South Africans, about 25 Kiwi's and Aussies, a bunch of Canadians, and a pair from Spain. We spent 45 days together and explored Europe in a fantastic way. It is the perfect love story and it is so cool that they are visiting London with their two kids where they first met.......

More than 28 years ago, my mom happened to meet Patti's mom at the mall the same day she was going to book the trip. Patti's mom thought it would be great if we went together. Her mom's last words yelled to her as we boarded the plane: "Don't fall in love with a foreigner"   That is exactly what she did.

It was fantastic to reminisce about that trip that spurred so many other things later on in life. Our kids and their kids loved hearing about all our partying on that trip. It is hard for them to think of us partying like we did.

Each choice we make and each friend we make has an effect on how our life turns out.

After that trip I visited the Scandinavian countries because two of the new friends from South Africa had been there and I couldn't afford to fly to South Africa right out of college. So instead, it was a Norway and Sweden adventure that ended up with me moving to Sweden two years after that. I eventually learned the language and moved to Stockholm after living in the North of Sweden for three years and then I met Peter not long after that and the rest is history.....

Patti, Bruce, Alli and Hayden arrived right on time bearing perfect gifts. I love my mug and the boys are looking forward to playing the bananagram game. We ate good food, drank some champagne and wine, laughed a lot and then we laughed some more. They went back to their hotel after midnight. What a great time we had. A great way to start the year.

Then Friday dawned bright and early and I needed to get up in time to make my 9 am gym appointment. I kicked my own ass during the workout. I am increasing my strength and cardio endurance. I see the improvement each time. While I was at the gym, Peter was out on his bike cycling past Richmond. I got some vegetable and bought the papers with an interesting headline.....We both got back to the house around 10:30 am and all the kids were still asleep.

I have all the luck......

Had enough time to get them up, feed them and get out the door heading to Richmond for the matinee performance of Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs, a British panto version. WOW. It was really an awesome experience and now we are all hooked on this cool British Christmas tradition. It exceeded our expectations. (google British christmas panto and read up on this most excellent of British traditions)

We walked around Richmond and found a place for dinner....(it was not in line with our expectations so I will not name the restaurant here.)

Need to sleep soon as I have made another appointment for the gym in the early morning before we go on new adventures.

I end with the quote on my mug from Patti:

It's a new day. I am alive. I am loved. I am thankful.