Cancer Card

2014.05.12

Monday Morning and I am home with the two oldest. I am responsible to get them out of bed. I should be so lucky to only have to say "get out of bed" once. I should really record myself and just put it on repeat. They always make it to school on time but I am most often stressed a bit because I think they should be there earlier.

Right after I dropped them off, I head to the Täby lab to leave some blood in anticipation of tomorrow's doctor visit. I get there at 7:58 am and take a number - exasperated that there are more than 40 people already waiting. Then I remember what they said the last time I was there. I went up to one of the nurses and said "Last time I was here, they said that if you have cancer you should speak up, what should I do?"  She said "Come right this way and I will take care of you right away." Five minutes later I was finished and on my way out walking right past those 40 people. Ok, one advantage to having cancer is you get to skip the line. Yep, I played the cancer card.

Then I came home and thought that I would get some stuff done before heading over to the hospital. I ate a little breakfast and then watched a little tv. I was feeling sad.  I feel the adrenaline is subsiding as Eric is getting better.  This is making my emotions more raw. I have had them in check to get through all of this. Mentally drained and not enough sleep makes all of this harder.

My friends call all the time and check in on me and offer to help. It feels overwhelming to be loved and cared about so much but I am getting better at accepting help. I realize it is necessary.

I got to the hospital and went up to Eric's room just in time for our diabetes training. Today the session was about ketosacidosis. That is exactly what happened to Eric. I asked the doctor for his numbers from when he was checked into the emergency room. Holy crap. His numbers in every measurement were off the charts. I am so grateful we made it in time and that the excellent doctors and nurses in the emergency room and the intensive care unit were able to perform a miracle. I am grateful for my son.

It was an interesting session and it was followed by a meeting with the dietitian and then the doctor. It was a long day and I was tired by the end at 4 p.m. It was time for a quick nap in the hospital room before we headed over to my oldest son's school for their 10th grade personal project presentations. I was so proud of him. He got the highest grade for his work. Awesome. Good to have some good news.

Now home again and I need to mentally prepare and reflect on how it will be when Eric and Peter come home tomorrow. Eric is hungry all the time and all he talks about is food. He has lost so much weight and his body is calling out for nutrients. This is to be expected but it means we will be pros in no time on carb counting and calculating the dosage of insulin every time he eats.

YES, I still have cancer. I almost forget myself because I have been so focused on Eric getting better. But, I am hoping the doctor will say everything is ok for chemo #5 to happen on Wednesday.  I really have no tolerance levels for any other set backs or road blocks.

LOVED. GRATEFUL. KICKING ANYONE'S ASS at this point. FRIENDS. FAMILY. FANTASTIC DOCTORS AND NURSES.