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2014.05.27

Tuesday

Awoke earlier than my alarm clock as usual. Got up and took my pills and then wrapped my foot in plastic wrap so I could take a shower. It is the little things I miss.

We were optimistic that the traffic would be gone by 8:45 am as we drove to the hospital for the doctor's appointment. Yes, it was stressful. I wonder how people do this every day- sitting in traffic is no fun. I was 3 minutes late to the appointment. Peter dropped me off and then tried to find a parking spot.

Luckily the doctor is a patient man. I was greeted warmly and sat down. My blood work was outstanding. That is good news. I asked all my questions and got a bunch of answers. Yes, I have chemo brain. This explains my headaches and my slower response times and my general foggy feeling. The drugs have made my brain connections blurry.

I also asked the doctor what the next step would be if the cancer is not gone at the end of this treatment. His response is it would be intense chemotherapy and stem cell transplant and would involve 5 months of treatment. Holy shit. I just needed to know. Tomorrow will be chemo #6 and I am focused on that and hopeful for positive results. I will not cross any bridges until I get to them.

On the way home at 10:30 am, I was already hungry. So we went and ate at Vapianos in Täby Centrum. It was a quick lunch but it was good to eat hot food in a restaurant. Home is a hodge podge of moving boxes and every area is in the process of being sorted. I spent the afternoon taking a quick nap, selling more furniture and packing the boys suitcases and mine too. Then it was time to make the chocolate chip cookies for tomorrows nurses.

Mentally tired and physically tired just add up to exhaustion. But in 72 hours I will be able to relax. The movers come on Thursday and Friday and although we are not ready I know that it will work out. Probably not without some level of stress on my part but it will be worth it.

?????? It is the uncertainty of everything with cancer that is the worst. Nothing is a sure thing. That is why each day is so important in life. Bloody hard to make everyday a happy day. We can only do our best even if it is with our chemo brain. ?????????????

LOVED. GRATEFUL. KICKING ASS. FRIENDS. FAMILY.