ONE YEAR AGO TODAY

2015.02.15

SUNDAY

It has been exactly one year today that I looked in the mirror and saw that my neck looked funny. That is a moment that I will not ever forget. It meant that the following five days were tests, questions and then a diagnosis on the 20th. holy crap.

I still remember that feeling of disbelief as Mia and I walked out of the doctor's office. I was cursing and in shock. How I managed to get through it all the way to today is really a mystery to me. I had no choice really because I love life too much to do anything else but fight it (that darn cancer).

To celebrate life and because I am in remission, we are heading this afternoon to a warmer climate with some sun, beach and relaxation. It is a well deserved time for me and the rest of the family. I really need to recharge my batteries and just enjoy myself. Going to make some happy memories.

There is a spa at the resort and I have already decided that I am going to do a different treatment each day, just because I am worth it.

The days before a trip always result in me trying to think of everything and then pack for all possibilities for all of us. This time a round I am still trying to think of everything but I am sure that I have forgotten something. (even though I have made numerous lists and then forgotten where I put them) I am exhausted but can breathe out once we have checked the luggage in and are sitting on the plane.

This year compared to last year:

I put myself first now.
I try to simplify everything I do.
I appreciate everything I see, every chance meeting I make, every raindrop and rainbow.
I look in the mirror.
I feel confident enough to cast away that niggling feeling that the cancer is going to come back and
I just enjoy life each day.
My definition of "enjoying life" has changed since last year.
I take selfies. (and I think it's fun too)
I exercise often, eat well and have cut out almost all processed foods.
I only hang out with people that give me energy.
I have some scars on the outside that add to my character.
I still believe I can do anything as long as I set my mind to it.
I appreciate all the doctors and nurses who cared and all the scientists who researched R-CHOP.
I feel thankful and overwhelmed by all the people in my life.

The new me is still taking some getting used to by me, by Peter and by everyone else. (It's harder for them than it is for me.)

365 days, 52 weeks, 12 months, many tears but oh so much more laughter during this time.

Now it is time for sun, sand, spa and just relaxation.

LOVED. GRATEFUL. FAMILY. FRIENDS. KICKED CANCER'S ASS. LOVING LIFE. LIVING LIFE. 

50 days since diagnosis....

2014.04.11

A fun and energy giving day was planned for today. Awoke before the alarm clock again after sleeping less than 6 hours. Those dang steroids that keep me awake even though I am tired. Got up, chatted with Nikki, took my pills, took my shower and ready before 7:30 a.m. Kids off to school thanks to Peter.

It has been 50 days since the doctor told me the news that it was non-hodgkins lymphoma growing in my lymph nodes in my neck. At times it feels like it has been 500 years. It is hard to fight for 50 days straight. I have calculated it will take maybe another 80 days to finally find out that I am cancer free. I CAN DO IT.

At 8 a.m. Maria came over for a morning walk and a cup of tea. It was chilly out but the pace kept us warm. Fresh air can't be beat especially when walking with a friend. Then a hot cup of tea is just what is needed. It was a boost of energy. THANKS MARIA.

By 9:30, Peter and I are on our way into town. He has a client meeting and then we are going to meet Clara for lunch at noon. I did not want to sit around the office for two hours so decided to walk around Stockholm and see some sights. It was drizzling and a little cold.

I did some window shopping, went into a couple of stores but then opted for a cup of coffee in Cafe Ritorno. A neat place that was full of famous Swedish people today. Fredrik from Filip and Fredrik was sitting with two others. They were talking about a program that they were going to produce. (They were talking quite loud so it was hard to miss.) Not so exciting but still cool.

Then they left and it was quite for about 10 minutes. Then a tall man comes in and sits down at the table right next to me. I look up at him and he is an Swedish actor that I recognized and admired in a few movies. So he starts talking on his phone and I start wondering how I can start up a conversation with him or at least take a selfie with him. After 15 minutes he hangs up the phone and I have read all the available newspapers. I say "excuse me but aren't you the guy from the movie Patrik 1,5? (Torkel Peterson) Yes, he says. I said (I think I said) I really liked you in that movie and would you mind if I took a selfie with you? I am from America.  (I said all of this in Swedish, of course)  He smiled his great smile and said yes, not a problem. I sat down next to him and voila.  That made my day. THANKS TORKEL.

Torkel and me. (he had his arm around me....)

By this time it was time to head to Peter's office to meet him and Clara for lunch. I showed Peter the picture of me and Torkel and he reminded me of another great scene from a movie called "Balls" in English but "Farsan"in Swedish where Torkel prepares a macho salad. Classic.  I got to see a few other people at the office while I was there too. Thanks Katja for the great bracelet!  Lunch was great food, great company and a new dose of energy. THANKS CLARA.

Me and Clara.

On our way home from lunch we picked up Sophie and then I had a few hours of organizing more stuff for the London move. 

I stopped by Mia's house to drop some stuff off and wish them well on their trip. Always a dose of energy to be around Mia. THANKS MIA.

Finally it was way past dinner time and we decided to order pizzas. After dinner, my oldest son and I discussed a bit of his plans to study after high school and which subjects he needs to choose for the IB program which starts in August in London. He is really maturing and focused on his studies. I am so proud of him. PROUD MOM.

The bandages that are in place over the two stitched areas need to be there for 4 more days and are already itching. Things could be worse. Itching, I can handle.

Grateful for all of you that send me encouraging texts and messages. It really does give me energy and help me to keep kicking butt! GRATEFUL.

Now I am tired and hope to sleep tonight. Might be wishful thinking. 

TORKEL. SELFIE. FRIENDS. LOVED. KICKING CANCER'S ASS. GRATEFUL.