Should I start at the beginning and go forward or should I take a look back?
2021 was a really shit year. Most of 2020 was also a shit year.
Some highs or positive things did happen during these last two years but sadly there was so much shit it is sometimes hard to remember those good things.
Every year in February I am reminded of my cancer journey and mark off the years of having survived this life so far. My first ever blog post was on Thursday, February 20, 2014 and it reminds me of that week which started on Saturday, February 15, 2014 when I first noticed something on my neck.
Yet, today over 8 years later as I read the original blog post, it sometimes seems like it is written about somebody else.
It’s February 15, 2022 and I realise that I haven’t posted at all since 2020.
Why?
Because I have been surviving this pandemic. Each little adjustment to our lives that has been made over the last two years has been done willingly so we could collectively get back to our way of life. We’ve followed the science, did the research and kept ourselves safe while minimising our risks. We got our shots and boosters, did the weekly testing and I even volunteered at the vaccination centres so I could help but also to see other humans after being so long in lockdown.
The whole family worked or went to school from home and that caused everyone to adjust and adapt to each other like never before. I did not enjoy every minute of this, I must admit. Each of us have survived this differently. The pressure was immense to keep things normal but each day in lockdown (and Brexit at the same time) chipped away at the old life and put us in a holding pattern. We are still in the pandemic, in a holding pattern, mostly I think because the world leaders were more often concerned with the politics than for the wellbeing of their people.
2020 when the first lockdowns started we never thought it would last this long so we adapted and accepted many things for the greater good. Trips were cancelled, grocery shopping was done by one person (me), friends were seen through zoom and we lived in our own bubble.
As I write this, the emotions come over me and I realise I felt so bad because I couldn’t remember the good because of all the bad seemed overwhelming. Why can’t I see the forest for the trees?
So, I just looked back through my instagram account for the last year. I’m sorry to say that I was wrong about 2021 being a shit year. It is just me with a shit memory.
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| Skye and Hasse |
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| Lake District |
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| Isle of Skye |
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| Sweden |
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| Paris |
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| Marseille |
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| Marseille |
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| Iceland |
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| Iceland |
These memories are my 2021: Foxes in the garden. New president. February 1 was first vaccination. Bagels. Snow. Zoom quizzes. Frogs. Long walks. April weeklong visit to the Lake District. Met Mr. Blue. LEGO workshops at school. Mr. Blue moved in May 30th. Teardrop camper ordered June 14th. A week in Scotland, Isle of Skye with our dog and her puppy nephew. Lavender Farm. Summer in Sweden after two years away. Paris, Marseille and Iceland in September. Brave Wandering Teardrop is on the road for a couple of nights. Ted Lasso in Richmond. Holidays in USA with family after two years away.
Thank goodness for these times. They pulled me through the shitty year. These things gave me hope when I needed it most. I made them happen to save myself and pull me through. (Reminder that we only post the good and that is not the whole picture of our lives.)
Bad times (cleaned up): Feeling trapped during lockdown to not do what I did before to live my life. Yelling in frustration to people who had nothing to do with the frustration. Watching and feeling helpless how being at home for school is not beneficial to a student’s learning and growth. Feeling lonely. Tired, all the time. Not letting go when I should. How we have all changed in ways we never thought we would. Feeling helpless because life is short and it seems I am standing still. Trying to do everything and anything to fix the “bad” things. Still tired.
Dear 2021: Thank you for the time spent with friends and family in Scotland, Sweden, France, Iceland and USA. Thanks for letting me take care of Mr. Blue for 8 weeks. Thank you for my friends.
Dear 2022: What will become of you?
I now look forward and plan but still try to take it all one day at a time. Support for upcoming exams with silly jokes, snacks, food and revision textbooks. Time spent with friends. Travel through the UK and Europe with Mr. Blue Skye a.k.a the Brave Wandering Teardrop. Stopping to take in the view, smelling the coffee and making new memories in this journey of life.
C’mon, who is joining me?
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