Saturday, February 22, 2014

Surreal but nice....


One of my favorite movies is Notting Hill with so many classic lines like  "Surreal but nice."  I have probably seen it 40 or 50 times. I just downloaded it on to my iphone so I can watch it during down time in the hospital.

Surreal but nice. Still feels a bit like it is someone else that has to go through all this shit, even though I know it is me who will do it. The nice part in a very melancholy sort of way is that the outpouring of support and meeting up with my friends has been amazing. It is sad that it takes something like this for all of us to take a step back and see what is important in life. "Our family and friends"

So when thinking about what fantastic friends I have and people who don't even know me that well, that want to lend a hand and help me get through this... it has been a crying type of day. The crying is good because it helps relieve all the tension in my brain and my body which is really tense and starting to hurt. Being loved makes me cry but oh so grateful to be loved!

I get energy and confidence from talking with my friends. Somehow they always know the right thing to say and do. Love all of you! Many have sent me quotes that are spot on and just what I needed.

How fun is it to be really sick and not understand all the words of this new sickness? The doctors are talking Swedish with cancer words in Swedish. I am thinking in English. Some of those words in Swedish are really hard. Cytostatika = Chemotherapy. 

My modus operandi is to plan. I can only plan for what I know. So, how does my plan look? I have purchased 2 journals. One to keep track of what the doctors say and tests they have performed along with the results. I have titled it "Kicking Cancer's Ass."  The other journal will be where I keep all the well wishes and quotes and things that my friends have said that are important to me. That book is titled "Secrets to kicking cancer's ass".
I have purchased a new backpack to carry these books, plus my headphones, a fleece jacket (very stylish, I might add) and anything else that might be needed. It gives me comfort to plan all the things that I can control. All those things I can't control well, I will have to go with the flow!

Peter heads back to London tomorrow to try and get some work done. This will be a challenge for all of us to adapt to the next few months as we move from the house and move to a new country! It will work because it has to. Just like I have to go through this to come out Stronger on the other side.

My fight song today, which I put on repeat on my iphone is Stronger by Kelly Clarkson.

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