ONE YEAR AGO TODAY

2015.02.15

SUNDAY

It has been exactly one year today that I looked in the mirror and saw that my neck looked funny. That is a moment that I will not ever forget. It meant that the following five days were tests, questions and then a diagnosis on the 20th. holy crap.

I still remember that feeling of disbelief as Mia and I walked out of the doctor's office. I was cursing and in shock. How I managed to get through it all the way to today is really a mystery to me. I had no choice really because I love life too much to do anything else but fight it (that darn cancer).

To celebrate life and because I am in remission, we are heading this afternoon to a warmer climate with some sun, beach and relaxation. It is a well deserved time for me and the rest of the family. I really need to recharge my batteries and just enjoy myself. Going to make some happy memories.

There is a spa at the resort and I have already decided that I am going to do a different treatment each day, just because I am worth it.

The days before a trip always result in me trying to think of everything and then pack for all possibilities for all of us. This time a round I am still trying to think of everything but I am sure that I have forgotten something. (even though I have made numerous lists and then forgotten where I put them) I am exhausted but can breathe out once we have checked the luggage in and are sitting on the plane.

This year compared to last year:

I put myself first now.
I try to simplify everything I do.
I appreciate everything I see, every chance meeting I make, every raindrop and rainbow.
I look in the mirror.
I feel confident enough to cast away that niggling feeling that the cancer is going to come back and
I just enjoy life each day.
My definition of "enjoying life" has changed since last year.
I take selfies. (and I think it's fun too)
I exercise often, eat well and have cut out almost all processed foods.
I only hang out with people that give me energy.
I have some scars on the outside that add to my character.
I still believe I can do anything as long as I set my mind to it.
I appreciate all the doctors and nurses who cared and all the scientists who researched R-CHOP.
I feel thankful and overwhelmed by all the people in my life.

The new me is still taking some getting used to by me, by Peter and by everyone else. (It's harder for them than it is for me.)

365 days, 52 weeks, 12 months, many tears but oh so much more laughter during this time.

Now it is time for sun, sand, spa and just relaxation.

LOVED. GRATEFUL. FAMILY. FRIENDS. KICKED CANCER'S ASS. LOVING LIFE. LIVING LIFE. 

Chasing the Sun

2014.03.06

Eyes open at 6 am. Roll over, look at my iphone and then my friends in the world send me good morning messages! Awe-inspiring with this technology to keep in touch. This connection between people is unbelievable and really what life is about. Lucky I am not living in the era of carrier pigeons. 

A sunny day and I feel full of energy. This new hair do is fantastic because I haven't done anything with it in three days and it still looks awesome. (even though I do not really recognize the person in the mirror each morning.) Peter gets the kids off to school and I get ready and feel like a walk in this beautiful weather. 

Time to put on my Kick Ass Play list, put the headphones in my ears and get the feet moving and the lungs breathing in all that fresh air. It was refreshing and gave me energy. Along the way I met people I knew and I could talk a bit before continuing on my way listening to all of my good songs. Many friends have sent suggestions and they have been spot on with what I needed to hear. Each day means different favorites or ones that have a special meaning based on where my head is at...........

Chasing the Sun by Sara Bareilles

You said, remember that life is

Not meant to be wasted 

We can always be chasing the sun!

So fill up your lungs and just run

But always be chasing the sun!

All we can do is try

And live like we're still alive

Lunch was spent at Charlotte's house. Great lunch, even better company and then a walk around Stocksund and Tranholmen in this great weather was so good I forgot to take any pictures of this glorious sunny day. Thanks Charlotte. GRATEFUL

I can get used to this routine of lunch with a good friend and then a nap when I get home. I hope I will handle the chemo well. I will get through it.

I have made a plan with each of the days of the 2 week cycle to show which pills & shots I need each day and also when my immune system will be at its lowest. A weak immune system means I can't expose myself to germs during those days as my body recovers between each cycle. 

The doctor suggested yesterday that our family get the flu shot. So after dinner we head to City Akuten to get vaccinated for the flu. What a fun family thing to do..............

These walks and spending time with friends and family is the best way for me to recharge my batteries, but the waiting is killing me.......... 

It is 2 weeks since I got the news about this life-changer called aggressive non-Hodgkin's lymphoma. Only 14 days ago but it feels like 2000 days with all the thoughts that have gone through my head. Every second it is with me. The emotions and thoughts swing back and forth between both ends of the scale. It is mentally tiring and it still feels a bit unreal as I go through many of the motions.

But, I am going to define how this cancer is a part of me and how I get rid of it. I am in control. I am really good at kicking ass and I never take no for an answer. 

KICK ASS. CONTROL. NEVER GIVE UP. BRING IT ON.