Blood-Swept Lands and Seas of Red

THURSDAY

I felt a strong desire to attend the Armistice day commemoration at the Tower of London this past Tuesday 11.11.14. Not only to see the art exhibit of 888,246 ceramic poppies (which represent the number of British and Commonwealth citizens that lost their life in WWI) that had been planted in the moat around the tower but to be one to give thanks for soldiers both here and in the USA that have given their lives and service to keep us safe.

I sent the kids to school on the bus and I headed in the other direction on the tube to get to the Tower Bridge early on this day. The exodus from the station and the amount of people was overwhelming even this early in the morning.

The tower was a sight to behold with the red poppies creating a fantastic field of red. I followed the flow of people as we all tried to take it all in. I started at the far end of the tower on the road that leads over the London Tower Bridge. I stopped every few meters and took pictures and marveled at the sight but also reflected over the symbolism of all of these lives that were lost.

I walked further and got a great spot to see the ceremony that would start 1,5 hours later. I stood next to a lady who had a Help for Heroes jacket on and we had a great conversation while we were waiting for the ceremony to start.

More and more people were arriving during the next 1,5 hours. By the time the ceremony started with the planting of the last poppy by a 13 year old cadet, the people who came to see were standing 15-20 deep.

A 21 gun salute and the reading of the names of 200 who had lost their lives recently was a simple yet powerful way to remember these people. Then it was 11 am on the 11th of 11th month and it was time for two minutes of silence.

WOW. WOW. WOW.  Thousands of people at the Tower and millions in London stopped what they were doing and were silent. London was quiet. Everything just stopped and goosebumps appeared on my arms. I took the time to remember my grandfathers who served in World War 2 and to give thanks for my brother who served in the Army as an Airborne Ranger.

It was an unbelievable feeling to be there and experience these two minutes of reflection. It is something I will never forget.

Once the commemoration was completed everyone made their way towards the train stations in a slow and orderly fashion. SLOW was the keyword. It was quite tedious to shuffle forward one step at a time until we were away from the tower.

I walked and wandered around London until it was time to pick up the kids even getting there a bit late.

I am so glad I got to experience the full art installation and the ceremony to remember and thank all those servicemen and women that put their lives on the line for FREEDOM.

For this, I am truly grateful.

Loved, Snow, Blood and Supraclavicular lymph glands

2014.02.21

Two positives to this cancer for me.. (kind of)

• That weight I needed to lose will be coming off once the chemo starts! Yea!
• Losing hair will let me be a redhead on the weekends and a blond during the week if I get some wigs! (or vice versa)

I couldn't sleep too well last night. The tumor is growing fast and it is pushing against my thrachea which makes coughing and breathing a bit uncomfortable at times.

As I lay in bed feeling LOVED by all the prayers and well wishers from Facebook it made it a lot  easier. I will treasure these comments and thoughts when the rough days are here.

As I look out the window and see the snow gently falling outside, it still feels like all of this is happening to someone else. It can't be happening to me because we have plans to move and start anew. Now it is just a bit more complicated. Thinking how to have an everyday life when the only thing that goes through my mind is holy shit!

I do feel loved and overjoyed that I have 3 wonderful kids who really showed their true colors yesterday! The doctor suggested just enough information to inform them. "A serious condition but curable with a bra fight". Kevin came home first and I told him. Then I joked around and said if I lost all my hair would he shave his head in solidarity? He said "yes".

Then Eric came home and I told him. Eric has been growing out his hair since August so when I asked him about shaving his head, he tilted his head to the side and said "can I just cut it shorter....." Kevin heard this and told Eric that he was shaving his head and Eric said OK.

Last was Marcus who came home, I asked him and he heard his two brothers already answer for him before he could also say yes!.  Then Kevin said, it might not be a good idea for dad to shave his head because his might not grow back.......

Blood tests were scheduled for today! They are testing everything with 12 tubes of blood being filled. Sitting in the little room with the nurse and showing her my tired arm from earlier in the week, and it hit me. The tears starting running down my cheek and there was silence in the room except for the sound of the machine moving the vials back and forth. Shit, shit, shit!

Just cancelled the one week all inclusive trip to Masplomas in the Gran Canary Islands which we should have left for on Sunday! It is obvious that it needed to be cancelled but makes for the week to be a long one with the kids home from school and me doing all the tests at the hospital.

The information about all the tests just arrived in the mail. It was a thick package almost like when you get accepted into college but not as fun! Bone marrow sample, CAT scan, larger biopsy and who knows what else is planned for Tuesday and Wednesday. Looking forward to getting it over with so I know excactly what I am facing to kick some butt! The growth is on-in-with-around(?) the supraclavicular lymph glands and is about 7 cm big!

It feels good but strange to tell people who ask or who I do business with. The only thing is that when saying "I have aggressive non hodgins lymphoma" there is a silence as most don't know what to say. I know cause I was just like that too.

Now I have made the decision to suspend all operations in Creative Brick Zone and cancel all the birthday parties that were booked from March onwards. I really love what I do and I will miss it during these months!

A highlight of the day are the flowers from the neighbors! They really perk the place up now that the house is not styled anymore.......

I feel after just 24 hours that this is a crazy rollercoaster ride especially with my emotions! (and I am holding on tight and won't let go!)