TUESDAY
Sitting at 12,000 meters above the earth on the way to London as I write of today's events.(looking out from the airplane window with Coldplay "I think I see stars" blaring in my ears and I am tapping my feet..)
Three month check up with my doctor is today.
Opened my eyes this morning and was instantly awake and alert. High alert and thoughts of what the day was going to bring. Mia peeked her head in and said good morning. Felt so good to be at her house. I ate breakfast after showering and packing the suitcases.
We laughed a bit about the visit on Sunday evening to the summer house by the moose who ate the padding on our trampoline.
I dropped Mia at the subway station and continued on my way to the hospital for my early morning appointment. Of course there was traffic, but I enjoyed using the Bluetooth in the rental car to listen to my kick ass play list.
The last two weeks the anxiety has been building and I started to worry if the cancer had come back. So today I would get an answer to all of my 20 questions. Anxious but hopeful.
As the clock strikes nine, the doctor comes out to get me so we can walk back to his office. He has a great smile and the small talk was comforting.
OK- results of yesterday's blood tests, he says, are fantastic. So no worries there. I am relieved but hesitant.
Time for me to voice all my concerns. The doctor has really good answers to all of my questions. I tell him that since he told me way back in June that everything was OK, I have been exhausted and fatigued and had bad side effects from the chemo and that the last two weeks have been anxious knowing the appointment was coming up. How could I be so strong during chemo and so weak after?
He leans back in his chair, smiles and says "if I could record and playback what you just said, it would be just like what all the others that come in here say. You have fought so hard during chemo that your body is thanking you by making you slow down to allow it to recover and that recovery will take a year or two."
But still the question remains: How do I know it hasn't come back and what tests would be done?
He calms me with his answer of the fact that he bases further tests on one of the following three things being unusual:
- Blood test results
- How I tell him I am feeling
- Results of physical examination where he checks all my lymph nodes.
Next appointment in the middle of January. (No stress until after New Years)
I wondered why I can get warm or hot all of sudden and is it because cancer is back or maybe it is the onset of menopause? (Yippee...) He says a blood test will give an indication of that but chemo to people in "my age" usually brings on menopause. (Yippee....) So he lets me take one more blood test at the lab and will inform me by letter in a week or two. (Don't know how I will celebrate that milestone.)
The nurse sets up my next appointment in January and books the operation to remove the central line the day after the appointment. She is so kind and caring.
I go down to the lab so they can poke me. There are two nurses in the room, obviously the one who is going to poke me is new and being observed. The observer says to the nurse- OK pull up the test, OK you don't have to ask her anything. I say, it's OK you can ask me something. They both laugh and she says, how are you? I reply, I am fine, just got good results from 3 month check up. Then Peter calls as she is trying to decide where to poke me. I say in English to him- can't talk now she is doing the test to see if I have that old woman's disease and can't talk now. hahaha. She says, is that what it's called in English? No, but maybe it should be..... My age is catching up with me. She is successful in extracting blood and says that I have a glow about me and a great attitude. My response: I survived cancer and the future is looking good.
OK, now I have 3 hours until I need to be at the airport. It was time for some shopping because tonight we have an important dinner to go to in London. It is all the new partners and their spouses. I will be meeting them for the first time. A little nervous and nothing to wear.
I am not ready to wear a dress yet cause my meeting with the personal shopper is on Thursday.
So, I am going to rock it my own way. Black boots, black pants, black sweater and red jacket. I am going to be me.
Of course, the plane is a half hour delayed in boarding because the crew had to land the other plane first and then jog over to us to fly us to London. We will hopefully make up the time.
Then the plan is home to change, hug the kids and we are off to the city. We will be a little late but finally we can start enjoying our new life.
The doctor reminded me not to overdo it and to let the family know that I need to have time for my body to recover. I will have to remind myself often.
No tattoo until February is the doctor's opinion. I need to finalize the design and wait for some of the side effects of one of the drugs to wear off. Hope I am still brave enough to do it then.
I CAN LOOK OUT OVER THE HORIZON AND SEE POTENTIAL.
I ENDEAVOR TO MAKE EACH DAY COUNT- make myself happy and those around me to feel that happy energy.
FRIENDS. LOVED. GRATEFUL. DR KARLSSON. HAPPY. SMILING.
Landed, cab home, showered, dressed and on the tube to Covent Garden to meet the others at the restaurant. We made it in less than 2 hours. That must be a record. It was great night to meet all of his colleagues and to enjoy a good meal. It really made for a long and exciting day. #londonliving #thefutureisbright
LOVE TO ALL OF YOU.
LIFE EACH DAY TO THE FULLEST.
Relief and happiness.
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