Remission and recovery make for an anxious time..

2014.09.17

Too many things to think about. Next week is the three month follow-up to see if I am still in remission. Just thinking about that brings the anxiety levels up.

It is a weird feeling and a bit worrisome to think about if the cancer is really gone or if it has come back. I try not to think about it and it works most of the time.

The few times that it crosses my mind it just makes me stop and think. Then I think, ok, be thankful you are alive and just enjoy the here and now.

I do that for a bit but my energy levels and physical well-being are not what they are used to be. I am constantly reminded of that fact with each and every step I take. That's the part about cancer recovery that sucks. The body has taken a beating with chemo and now it needs just as long if not longer to recover. I just don't want to waste any time.

Time is so precious. My kids are away on their class trips this week. It is quieter at home but the days are still spent making sure they are ok.

Luckily for me, Annica came to visit on Monday afternoon. My first visitor from Sweden. We walked around the neighborhood and ate dinner at the great pub called The Dove on the Thames. Great food, great company and a break from the daily routines.

I do not miss Sweden at all. I am a little surprised by that actually. Maybe it is all the "new" here that is keeping me busy that I don't have time to think about it too much.

I miss my friends in Sweden. (You all know who you are....)

I forgot to call my mom on her birthday. *Thanks to chemo brain*


My observations these past few days:

The sense of politeness is really unbelievable. So many people saying "sorry" so many times just makes you feel calm. It is hard to get irritated with someone who has just apologized for something.

The eerie silence on a packed train platform during rush hour as we all waited for the next train. A couple of hundred if not a thousand people and it was totally quiet. Very cool! Wish I could have recorded that moment somehow because it was so special.

Christmas decorations are already on sale!

Not caring about the looks I get while wearing my mask on the train and buses anymore. Hopefully I will get the all green to not need it after next week.


STILL LOVED. STILL GRATEFUL. STILL ALIVE. STILL BEING BRAVE.