The new reality

2014.06.24
 It's been 5 days since I got the results from the doctor. It feels surreal. To go from one day battling cancer to the next day it's gone and then try and live in that new reality.

It was Swedish midsummer and then packing for our trip and then making the journey all the way to the USA wearing a surgical mask. Luckily my kids are seasoned travelers so it made things a lot easier. I slept for about 3 hours on the plane for the first leg of the trip. That usually never happens. I was tired and hadn't slept much the night before. I feel a weight has been lifted off my shoulders but all the side effects and recovery time are still to be dealt with in the upcoming year.

During the year are check-ups to make sure the cancer hasn't come back.

I've read in many places and in many forums that after care of cancer survivors is not up to par. There is still support that is needed mentally if not physically to handle all the emotions and work through what has happened the last 4 months (in my case).

Life goes on and I need to start living it and slowly edge my way back into the new reality.

Side effects suck. I must learn to live with them and its hard to not everything the way it was before. I have changed and those closest to me have also changed.

Our first full day in the USA and we helped the country out with some retail therapy. Not too much but just enough to have some fun and feel normal.........except for all the looks from people in the mall. I really just want to blend in and not be noticed. I haven't gotten fitted for a wig and I am hoping that my hair will grow back pretty quickly.

In our moving process, we threw out a lot of books. My chemo brain forgets this and I bought two books yesterday. I have already finished the first book as of this morning when I was up at 4:15 am due to jet lag. It was a good book and the first book I've read in more than four months. I had a really good cry the last half of the book.

The book is called The Fault in our Stars by John Greene. It's about two young people who have
cancer but fall in love and experience something fantastic. It was a good time for some self-
reflection.

LIFE IS ABOUT LIVING. How many times do we say it? How many times do we do it every day? What is important to do today? What can wait until tomorrow?

What I enjoyed about yesterday:
Chatting with the Starbucks Barista at Target
Eating at a food court with my 3 boys and them so totally enjoying their Chick-fil-a
Getting home to my brothers house and him opening a bottle of wine....on a Monday
All of us laughing about silly things

My blogging will continue until I am cancer free for 1 year. With my chemo brain, if I don't write it down, I forget it.

For me, this seems like a hard battle because it can be too easy to revert to doing the day to day things and just going through the motions and not really LOVING LIFE.